So I’m a confessed yo yo tubby/skinny. Actually years ago my friend Stephen actually referred to me as a telly tubby! Wow! My memory is good sometimes. I’m sure I shot something equally insulting back, he was hardly Action man with his elasticate waisted jeans . We shared humour so teasing was compulsory.
My boyfriend in my 20s used to run a bath for me, he said ” I’ve not put much in, it will be full once you get in”. He thought he was funny. I thought he was a brat. A later boyfriend when I was a size 12 said to me not to come near him til I was a size 8. I think back now and others fed on my unhappiness. In an earlier blog i wrote how someone called me chipstick legs at school so i gained weight to stop them. I had to stop giving this power away. At 29 I left my then evil boyfriend and gained total independence. I lived alone for a good couple of years with the odd flat mate to help with the bills, no one to give or take approval, I partied hard, I worked hard, I made friends, good friends, I whiled away hours on the beach with no one demanding my whereabouts, I drove as far as I liked and came home when I liked and I got healthy in mind, body and soul.
Recognising triggers of unhappiness it seems are important, sometimes they aren’t avoidable but there are ways of dealing with them. Proper sickness is a whole other book that can interfere with health and wellness.
What I want now is a future without the tub as discussed in previous blogs, I’m of an age where weight hinders everything I want to achieve.
My husband on the other hand struggles to gain weight, wants to and then when he manages it, he feels like Ian Beale off Eastenders soap opera! So, well being, being happy with who you are, achieving in life your minute by minute goals and feeling good is wholly the most important thing of all.
It seems I’m blessed with honest friends…. another called Stephen… I once asked did I look nice in my new French connection frock? (We were young) He said “oh sure, you look….nice….as long as you don’t think you still have a great figure” we are still firm friends well into our 40’s.
I like honesty. I’m honest but never cruel. Another time, a woman at work said to me ” oh Karoline, you’re getting married, what are you going to do?” I asked, “what do you mean Jane?” She said ” well you have put a bit of weight on lately!” That was unkind. I ended up so conscious I lost weight, felt nice on my wedding day but didn’t stop and ended up looking emaciated! Jane never once told me I looked good.
I don’t like unkind. I appreciate honesty but not in your face by someone who isn’t close to me. So, how do we deal with this kind of honesty?
Box it up, consider what you feel and decide that some people are not worthy of your worries. Others love you and want the best for you and maybe have seen you when you were particularly happy and maybe they know this isn’t who you are in this moment.
Sometimes we come across people who are like leaches, who attach themselves to us when we are at our most vulnerable who ultimately let us down, make plans, don’t show up, isolate us then piss off into the oblivion trampling on many more as they go. These types of people are the rot in our well being and need to be identified and eliminated at speed before you sink so low you believe you needed them.
I had a friend called Nicola years ago for many years we were the best of friends until I discovered my boyfriend of 12 years had been cheating on me and I threw him out and she had been coaching me in late night conversations. I left the country to find a new life which luckily turned out great. One day I received a text message, she had left her husband and was now shagging my ex! OK, this wasn’t the wording I received from her but you get the jist. There is alot to that story, maybe one day I’ll write it down. Anyway, I digress.
Nicola was an excellent skier. She was a Big girl. Twice the size I was. She was an excellent skier and horse rider. So she must have been fit right?
I find that heartbreak always gives me my optimum happy weight but that’s no way to lose weight, it certainly doesn’t make you feel good. Not recommended.
I don’t know many women who talk about their size in the positive. Big or small. Its almost always negative. I like to say the word Fat, for me, when I’m fat I’m fat. When I’m thin, I’m thin and my honest cousin loves the word emaciated even if I’m healthy and the reason I’m slim is due to exercise, at which time if I’m regularly exercising I accept I can lose weight too much and eat i think like a horse but that’s probably not true either. I like to see a photo and think, ” Ah, haha! Now I’m happy” not fat nor thin but healthy looking. *do horses eat alot? Where does that sentence come from?
A boy I knew back in the day is now a man, do we say middle aged? I don’t know, I don’t feel like I’m middle aged but then my Mum is in her 70s and doesn’t accept she’s old in the sense of boxing in age categories. So let’s say this boy now a man called Clive has something to say from a mans point of view and here is what he wrote last night on Facebook
“😘😘When you’re a plus size man, people like to say “Yeah, he’s cute in the face.” As if being full figured is such a disgrace. Honey, I’m cute in the face, and I’m thick in the waist. I look good whether I’m in cotton, leather, or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart! There’s more to me than my weight, I also have a heart. Yes, my clothes may be a bigger size, that just means you have access to a bigger prize. We all are not self-conscious about our weight. So don’t think your small frame gives you more pull, I’m a fabulous curvy Man with a figure that’s full ✌🏻️😘😘”
See, he’s happy. He has what he wants, he is happy with himself and I can only guess that someone judged him. Do you know something? People bully you not because you are fat or thin but because it’s something physical they can refer to when you’re everything in your character and humour and savvy that they wish they could be so instead of addressing their own shittiness they choose to dress you down and make you lose that character that makes you who you are.
Watch out for the one who ostracises someone in a group. I was bullied by a senior at work, ignored, not even a good morning, left out of plans for days out, talked over, undermined in my opinions and those who could have stopped it ignored it. This is worse than being overweight because overweight can be tackled, a senior who is bullying cannot unless you are prepared to actually wrestle them and risk losing the job you feel like walking out of because of that person. How do you deal with this? I don’t know. Pray? I prayed, she disappeared, I thanked God. It has taken a long time to get over that. Just now I feel I’m judged for being too fun, that is who I am and after being so miserable for so long for so many reasons I’m not about to apologise for being happy out loud.
So, what I’m trying to say is look at life from a whole point of view. Listen to others, listen out for others giving subliminal cries for help, talk to others about your feelings. Respond when someone is unkind, verbally not in a way that damages you further. Get life in order. Decide what will make you happy, one change at a time and do it. Keep doing it, fake it til you make it so to speak.
People only treat you the way you allow them to. * a sentence told to me in my late 20s by my lovely cousin Andie and have lived by ever since. The man I married loves me everyday, as long as my heart is full, my mind is smiling and I enjoy myself. In the end I married well.
Only when we take charge of all of our actions and reactions will any diet of weight loss or weight gain be achievable.