Alot as it goes….
Well………. I ate more! Simple really. I am already
big Fat, what’s a few more fats going to do? So I took action and replaced my wardrobe with more fitting attire.
Humour in All Personal Matters….Matters
If I had been even ON a treadmill chasing a donut, do you know what I would have done? Switched the damned thing off and scoffed that bloody donut! I would have tripped the switch in the gym and gone for coffee but the chances of my even being within a mile of that treadmill were slim, unlike myself.
Here was my routine
I was constantly anxious from external issues, health issues, personal issues and was feeding the exhaustion, I just couldn’t see a way to stop and the more I ate, the worse my lethargic self got, the more strain the arthritis in my spine caused me pain, the more uncomfortable I became sleeping and even worse, I got hot! Unbearably hot as I didn’t have clothes that made me feel happy and living in a place where 50 degrees in the height of summer isn’t uncommon it was a freaking nightmare.
I didn’t moan about being fat, what’s the point? ” Oh I’m fat!” erm ” Do something about it!” …”I’m not ready” …. ” So shut the fuck up and eat another bag of sweets!” That was me conversing with myself. Rarely I might add. See, I was so absorbed with the left over symptoms of an illness that I just didn’t see that I was perpetuating the symptoms. When I had been very poorly, I was starved and I mean that literally as I couldn’t eat, then I wasn’t fed and then I looked like an old hag! At that time it took me 30 minutes to get a pair of knickers on! I wasn’t fat. The boredom of not being able to be active, of constantly needing to sit or lie was all consuming and I needed to gain a little weight.
I just didn’t stop! Then when I was 30kg heavier, I was still blaming the illness for taking 30 minutes to get my pants on and needing slip on dorky shoes! I just didn’t say to myself, “this would be so much easier if I just lost a few kilos” The doctor told me, he didn’t mince his words. I just cried and said he didn’t understand.
Some Days were like this photo. Lonely. There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t any fun anymore. I didn’t want to hang out with me never mind anyone else.
Maybe I pushed people away but this was a spiral I had to stop sliding down.
It was time to stop looking back and look forward and who knew, maybe if I put some thought into this, I might just improve my general well being.
I am writing this 30 day blog to help someone else who may be on a slippery slope for whatever reason.
I was never a person who said “I’m happy being fat” I just said nothing.
If you are like me, stick with this blog, find some inspiration from maybe one sentence in the 30 day writings, or yawn with immense boredom, move on and chase that donut.
I am 20kg lighter than I was 5 months ago and thus far I have not stepped on a treadmill.
See you tomorrow.